Two years, 731 days ago, today, my world was turned upside down. My husband was taken away from me. It was the worst day of my life. Sometimes it still doesn’t feel real, yet I know it is, and it sucks, big time! I can remember every thing we did that week leading up to that horrible Friday. Like how we recorded Diners, Drive Ins & Dive’s on Monday night because Kid Rock was on it and we watched it together Tuesday night while I ate my favorite peppermint ice cream. Or, how Wednesday night we both got home late from work so we just picked up some Taco Bell (Josh’s Favorite) and watched Two & a Half Men together. Then there is Thursday, this was the day I ran around getting everything ready for my cookie party that was supposed to be on Saturday. I made dinner this night, one of our favorites. It was just something I had come up with in college that was pretty easy to make, but boy was it delicious! He came home around 6:15pm, on the phone with his Momma and said he had to go so we could eat dinner. No one knew that this would be our last meal together. After dinner, I started making my cookies for Saturday. They were waffle cookies, Josh was my taste tester, like always. He approved. Fast forward to 9:00pm. He was upstairs on the phone with one of his buddies and I had run up to get on my computer real quick. One of my favorite vendors was having a sale, I was lucky enough to get the hat I was hoping for. But to this day, I have never, ever used that hat. Around 9:15pm I heard him tell his friend he would see him in a few minutes. I was mad at him. I didn’t want him to go out. I wanted him to stay home with me. He gave me a hug, the ones that I always loved, my Josh hugs, the ones only he could give. He told me “I was the best wife ever”, gave me a kiss and promised to be home in an hour. I mean, this was a work night and this guy did not like getting up early in the morning, so I already knew that was going to be a p.i.t.a. the next morning. He got home late. I was mad at him. I went to sleep mad at him. DONT EVER DO THIS!!! Trust me, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you do. Then Friday came.. I remember every sight, every sound, every silence, every person that was at my house, every officer I had to say the same thing to, over and over. No body would help him, and I couldn’t understand it. How did this happen!? Why did this happen?! WHY? We were good people, why did this have to happen to me?! We were supposed to grow old together, we were supposed to have a life together, a family. We were supposed to have our dreams come true together. Why did my husband have to be taken away? What did I do? And after all the doctors he had been to in the last year and a half why didn’t they find this, why couldn’t they help him before it was too late? And if this was going to happen anyway, why in the world did he have to suffer the last year and a half in pain because his surgeon messed up his first surgery on his back that left him with constant nerve pain every second of the day. I still don’t know why this happened, I still don’t like it, but the only thing I’m glad about, is that he’s not in any pain anymore. Josh was the best person, he was always willing to help someone, always trying to make you laugh and genuinely cared about you. A good person was taken from this earth, and I don’t know why. Only God knows why. I’m thankful for the 5 years we had together. For all the memories we made together, for every second I was able to spend with him.. I still have many questions, I still don’t understand it, I still miss him every second of the day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I still see him in everything I do, I still talk to him, I still wish he was here. Nothing will change that. But I know that I will see him again one day, and I cant wait for my “Josh hugs”. I know he is my guardian Angel, always looking out for me. So even though his is physically gone from this earth, he’s not truly gone. He lives on in our dreams, our memories and our love and I will never take any of those for granted.
I know this is way, way, way unlike anything I have ever posted on here. But I felt like it was time, at least time to get some things off my shoulders. If you stuck around til the end, thanks. Thanks for taking a minute out of your day to read this, to be with me. I appreciate every one of you, all your prayers and well wishes are more then I could ask for from anyone and you will never know how grateful I am. Here are a few pictures of my love and I. They aren’t all “perfect” pictures, but to me, they are perfect.