Three Years …

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1,096 Days ago my life changed. My world was turned upside down, my love had been taken from me. After everything we had been through together, why did He have to be taken away? Why was it his time? Why? Why? That will always be a question.. Why did this have to happen. He was a good man. He was always willing to help someone if they needed it, he was full of love, he genuinely cared about you. He never murdered or hurt anyone, so why did he have to go? He was a GOOD man. Life isn’t fair.. You think that all the time growing up, I know I did.. You don’t get your way, boo-who, life isn’t fair. But you never truly understand what you’re saying until it becomes a reality. And I pray to God every day that no one else has to go through what I want through. It just plain sucks. I wish so much that I could see his smiling face again, or get one of those perfect “Josh hugs”. I wish I would have been able to save him, why couldn’t I save him?? Why couldn’t somebody save him?? I wish he was still here with us today. I wish I wasn’t having to write this. I wish I never had to go through this, but truth is, if I didn’t go through this, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Who knows where I would be today. I mean, I would of course still be doing photography, but maybe we would be living in a different state, a different country even. We never truly know what our life holds for us. If I have learned one thing from this horrible experience its, live. Live every day, cherish every moment, don’t take anything for granted. We have no idea what God has in store for us, so do what you love, surround yourself with people you love and try to live your life in a way that you would be proud of. Don’t hold grudges, what if something happened and you weren’t able to tell that person you were sorry, or that you forgave them? Trust me, you will feel horrible and you will never forget that moment. I wish I would not have been mad at him that night before he passed. I wish I would have told him I loved him, at least one more time. Knowing I can never take that back, is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Even though he’s gone, I know he’s still with me, every day. I feel him around me, I see him in the beauty around me. I see him in our fur-ball. That part may sound silly, but he bought her for me, and she’s become my rock. I’ll love that little fur ball with everything I have for the rest of my life. As some of you know I just got back from Germany, and I really wanted it to snow while I was there. I wanted to walk around the Christmas markets with snow falling down around us. Well, we really didn’t have the weather for it while I was there. Yes it was freezing and grey every day, haha, but no snow in the forecast. Well, the night we arrived in Dresden we were walking around the Christmas markets, I was bummed cause I thought it was sprinkling, and I hate the rain, but I looked up and it was snow! I had asked Josh for snow, and here it was. It was falling down around me, kissing my cheeks while I walked around the market. It was perfect. He continues to send me signs. There’s not a day that goes by that he doesn’t pop into my head one way or another, there’s always something reminding me of him. And I’m so thankful for those memories, I’m thankful for the time I had with him, I wish it would have been more, but it was our time, and our time together was perfect. Life  is precious and you’ll never know the hand you were dealt. So don’t take anything for granted, love with all your heart and cherish every moment you have.

Most of this post is just ramblings, I’m not very good at writing, but sometimes I just have to be able to get things off my shoulders.. So thank you for listening to me, thank you for taking a minute out of your day to spend it with me. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, it means more to me then you will ever know.

*just some snapshots from our life, nothing fancy*

1st Snowfall Together 053 Christmas 2006 088*I loved watching him with our Godson.*

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I love this…and you. You are so strong, and you make him proud every day. xo

Thank you for always sharing this with us! Sending lots of love, hugs, and prayers your way!

I love you, sweet girl. Always here for you!

I’m so glad you got the snow you were longing for while in Germany… a beautiful gift!

Thanks for sharing! You are an inspiration of strength!

My dad died when I was 13 so I learned about loss very young as well. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized what my poor mom had to deal with.. I’m sorry you only had such a short time with him but I know you really loved each other Some people go their whole lives and don’t get that! I admire your courage and love for life and I’m positive you two will meet again one day! xoxo

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